05-08-2004, 10:17 PM
i got this in a e-mail , got a few laughs outta it and thought i'de pass on the chukkels to everyone here .
Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):
>
>1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq.foot house 4
>inches deep.
>
>2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
>blades, they can ignite.
>
>3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
>
>4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
>enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman
>cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a
>20X20 foot room.
>
>5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
>the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
>you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
>
>6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
>ceiling fan.
>
>7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too
>late.
>
>8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
>
>9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
>36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass
>can start a fire even on an overcast day.
>
>10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
>
>11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
>
>12. Super glue is forever.
>
>13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
>walk on water.
>
>14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
>
>15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they
>do.
>
>16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
>
>17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
>
>18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
>
>19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like
>ovens.
>
>20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
>
>21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
>It
>will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their body weight when
>dizzy.
[signature]
Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):
>
>1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq.foot house 4
>inches deep.
>
>2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
>blades, they can ignite.
>
>3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
>
>4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
>enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman
>cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a
>20X20 foot room.
>
>5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
>the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
>you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
>
>6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
>ceiling fan.
>
>7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too
>late.
>
>8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
>
>9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
>36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass
>can start a fire even on an overcast day.
>
>10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
>
>11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
>
>12. Super glue is forever.
>
>13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
>walk on water.
>
>14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
>
>15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they
>do.
>
>16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
>
>17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
>
>18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
>
>19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like
>ovens.
>
>20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
>
>21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
>It
>will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their body weight when
>dizzy.
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