09-14-2007, 12:20 AM
Funny email I received today:
For those that don't know about history...Here is a condensed
version...Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
nomadichunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to thebeer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less
skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up
for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
known as girlie-men or wussies. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group
hugs, and the concept of voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
mostpowerful land animal on earth; the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass. A few modern liberals like Mexican light
beer (with lime added), but most prefer a chilled glass of Sauvignon
Blanc,with passion fruit and kiwi aromas which are marked by grassy
notes, then rounded out on the midpalate by peach flavors. Crisp and
refreshing, with a hint of chalky minerality on the finish; or Perrier
bottled water. They eat raw fish but dislike beef. Sushi, tofu, and
French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, Ivy League professors , journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated-hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also
bat.
Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Yuengling Lager. They eat
red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes,
Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives
who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a
living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
to get more for nothing.
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For those that don't know about history...Here is a condensed
version...Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
nomadichunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to thebeer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less
skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up
for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
known as girlie-men or wussies. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group
hugs, and the concept of voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
mostpowerful land animal on earth; the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass. A few modern liberals like Mexican light
beer (with lime added), but most prefer a chilled glass of Sauvignon
Blanc,with passion fruit and kiwi aromas which are marked by grassy
notes, then rounded out on the midpalate by peach flavors. Crisp and
refreshing, with a hint of chalky minerality on the finish; or Perrier
bottled water. They eat raw fish but dislike beef. Sushi, tofu, and
French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, Ivy League professors , journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated-hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also
bat.
Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Yuengling Lager. They eat
red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes,
Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives
who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a
living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
to get more for nothing.
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